Frequent readers will have to forgive my absence, I’ve been busy doing other things: trying to get my nascent, far-right podcast off the ground. For anyone curious about Amerikaner Tonight, you can find it here.
Over the past few years, the West Coast has been getting jumpy about the United States. Couching their fears in ironically federalist and regionalist talking points of “unresponsive government” and “localized decision making”, Westies are looking for a way out. Their salvation comes in the form of a weird neo-secessionism movement:
If you’ve never heard of it, I don’t blame you. I hadn’t heard of it until 2011 or 2012. I had even less comprehension of it until a year or so later when the nascent Cascadian independence parties (of which there are several, naturally) started agitating people to vote for independence. The “plan” for independence goes something like this…
- Raise awareness of how special and unique Cascadia is as a bio-region from the rest of the United States.
- Agitate for the need of secession given the incompetence/bigotry/sexism/cluelessness of the Washington D.C. elites
- Hold independence referendum
- Break glass in case of hostile response by the U.S. Gov’t
- If 4. doesn’t happen, pop the cork on the champagne bottle, and enjoy your new country.
You, dear reader, may have guessed that I don’t hold much faith in these well-meaning, proggy types. That’s because I don’t have any faith in these proggy types, well-meaning (hint: there are no well-intended progs, just ones that haven’t gone full Blue State Tyrant on you. yet.) or otherwise. Let me explain to all of just why the thought of an independent West Coast sets my teeth on edge.
The first and biggest problem is that the people advocating for an Indie West Coast (IWC) are a bunch of Cathedral-worshipping, dog-walking, poz-loving nobodies that make you want to throw yourself into Mt. Rainier. A casual stroll through any pro-IWC-party’s platform will include platitudes about racism, sexism, white supremacy, calls for gun control, deregulation of GMOs, and exhorting the new slogan of Diversity, Inclusivity, and Minorities.
It is a fact that an overwhelming white part of America is obsessed with diversity. There must be something in the water, besides fluoride, that can explain how diversity has come to be seen as the cure to our ills. I didn’t see any mention of rights about free speech, the practice of religion, or democracy. Must’ve been a typo. Or a tell, I’ll let the reader decide which.
It is also a fact that diversity has proven to be the greatest of all weaknesses. The people over at Yes Cascadia must not have gotten that memo yet. Or perhaps they’re busy “confronting problems” and trying to “create local, equitable solutions”. Their words, not mine.
Naturally, there are no calls for self-armament. No exhortations to “defend the fatherland”, no calls for an union sacrée to secure the patrie against the evils of foreign occupiers (read: the USG). No, instead you get something so ineffective, you’d swear it was written by the IWC-advocate equivalent of the fox that snuck into the hen-house. Again, Yes Cascadia will be our guide.
As a last resort, if the federal government fails to adhere to the points outlined in this document, Yes Cascadia will submit a referendum to peacefully and democratically secede from the United States of America.
I think the CSA tried that approach too in 1861. Didn’t work then, either. In any case, you try your “peaceful and democratic secession”, I’ll keep my finger on the trigger.
What is all this showing us? That Left-wing progs don’t understand a thing in the real world? Well, yes, that is true, but it’s showing us something else as well: Left-wing nationalism isn’t.
Nobody is going to die for “equitable alternatives”. They’re going to die for family, faith, and fatherland. Local solutions? Local government? Might as well try to convince them the Moon is made of cheese. A few might believe you.
Look at how the idea of Cascadia is couched: it’s not a nation, it’s a bio-region. The people aren’t different, it’s the land! And because the land is unique, that means it should be run in a unique way.
Which is getting dangerously close to sounding like… nationalism. But with all deftness of a stage magician, the IWC-advocate avoids any such connotation by going with a term that’s scientific. People aren’t that unique it seems. And anybody can be a Cascadian because… well, why not? Diversity, Inclusivity, and Minorities, remember?
What are you, a bigot?
(Ignore of course how we’re arguing that a certain part of America is different from all the rest. And don’t notice how saying X and Y are different might lead to bigotry. Yes Cascadia and the other IWC-advocacy groups would get upset.)
There’s another, far more insidious and unsettling reason why I’m wary of the IWC-advocates: they’re expressly hostile to anything right-wing. Not just a little hostile, mind you, but actively and totally against the idea of right-wingedness itself. Mark my words, there would be no dissent in the new utopia. No, you would go outside and see smiles painted on everyone’s faces. But ask one of the smilers what they were so happy about, and you’d receive the same propagandized buzzwords that so many hundreds of millions have bleated on about.
Maybe something about diversity or minorities, I don’t know.
There’s a third reason why I loathe the IWC-advocate types, though, and it’s this: their nationalism is expressly hostile to my own. And that’s different from the second reason. Brothers fight the way they do with each other because they can’t stand the thought of losing to somebody who knows everything about them. The humiliation of defeat, and the way it gets rubbed in your face make the both of you fight that much harder.
I too believe in the secession of the West Coast. The sooner it happens, the better off we’ll be for it. But trying to play Poz-Politics gets nobody anywhere sooner than a sucker punch to the back of the head. The saddest thing here is that the IWC-advocate will happily buy into Poz-Politics.
Diversity? Sure. Minorities? Sure. Inclusivity? Why the hell not?
This is the Kwa that we all live in. The problem isn’t with secessionism or regionalism as a whole, the problem is that the people trying to enact it on the West Coast are going to do their very best to ruin the now independent Cascadia.
Which makes me mad enough to knock over my micro-brewed, Starbucks-flavored coffee all over my Windows-Apple brand laptop that I got at the Die-In.